Aug 152007

God, What an Awful Racket!

Youth-oriented shows start too early. Some of us (do the annoying finger-quote thing) ‚ “adults” who haven’t “grown up” yet, have “jobs” and “priorities” and can’t get to a show at 5 p.m. So when I stroll in at 8:30 p.m., Shadows Fall – the last band before the Scumdogs of the Universe – is wrapping up. Not that I missed anything, A) because the (old) UCF Arena may be the most sonically challenged venue on the planet and B) some of the special guests appearing on other legs of the tour like Testament and Suicidal Tendencies couldn’t make it to O-Town.

Deleted scenes from The Land of the Lost series

Deleted scenes from The Land of the Lost series

As GWAR’s cartoonish stage is being set-up, I mosey by a long line of all the bands merchandise. Table by table the artwork becomes more grotesque; each trying to outdo the other. My favorite: Necro’s octopus-zombie dining on a severed head. If I only had 20 bucks I could take care of Nanna’s birthday present. I will just wait for a sale at Penney’s. Next I notice several species flourishing which were thought extinct: the frizzy trailer mullet, next to something I thought would only be preserved in some prehistoric amber: the Motley Crue, “Girl Don’t go Away Mad” era mohawk-mullet cinched tightly in the back, shaved-head, ponytail thing. Finally, groupies, actual groupies! Beyond the barricades lurked sexy, dirty, stripper-types loitering backstage. God I miss metal.

The show did not seem as intense as it did when I was young. I guess 15 years of “real life” can even harden the heart of an old metal fan. But there were definitely highlights:

1. The slow evisceration of a fan.

2. Singer, Dave Brockie aka Oderus Urungus fornicating with a putrid dog carcass as it spewed blood and pus 30 feet into the crowd.

3. And the piece-de-resistance, a large character appears from backstage to an audio track blurting “Me no rikey American students, Korea numba one, me no rike you, fuck you G.I!” My feeble brain thought it may be Kim Jong Il. I was close, but reality is much, much worse. It’s a Korean alright. As the figure moves forward he reveals a Virginia Tech jersey while brandishing two 9mm pistols. GWAR urges UCF not to let a pussy-ass college in Virginia hold the mass murder record and counts aloud as Cho Seung-Hui shoots: 1,2,3, … 31,32,33 – yay!” Next, Oderus emerges with a large sword decapitating Cho and for the duration of the next number his beheaded carcass scurries around spraying blood into the stunned audience. Completely tactless, thoroughly insensitive, totally awesome!

Article originally appeared in REAX #16, August 15 2007

GWAR incites UCF crowd to cheer on Korean guy to break the West Virginia shooting record. Then they kill him. Notice the copious amounts of blood spraying from dancing, decapitated corpse for the duration.

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